Friar Cous Cous

Trussed-up in a wartime bandage-suit...

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

A Touch Recherchė (Ray Shershay)

Though you or I would scarcely have gnome it, there was a time, and another site, where other fruits did grow up strong and flourish. I'm ashamed at why it's died, and so I will do this one thing to represent it. And here it is (that one thing):

Rock Deaths

Rock ‘n’ Music has claimed the lives of many of its greatest players, but the harsh reality is that many of these lives could have been saved were it not for accidents, violence, neglect, abuse and bad, and bad. Indeed, had rock ‘n’ roll never been invented, it is likely that at least Buddy Holly and possibly one other would have died much later, if not would be alive today. May their goals rest in peace.

But what is so heartrending about the deaths of so many rock musicians, and indeed soul, funk, jazz, R ‘n’ B, blues, metal, rap but not country stars, is the violence and meaninglessness of them. Much of the publicity around rock deaths is concentrated on the 'bad acid' years of the late 1960s, the 1970s, the ‘80s, ‘90s and today. But the trend for going out like that was set well before, and here we give breathing space to the deaths which helped pave the 1950’s and Earl E. Nnynetine-Szickztease.

So here we go…name, band (if applicable), cause of death, we…”Die Around the Clock (TM)”…

“The Outlaw” Johnny Squares
– Headbutted dead by goat whilst recuperating from a broken string at father’s ranch in Stetson, TX (1955)

Tommy Lee Cribbiss (of “Six Gluttony Nachos”)
– Accidentally boiled himself instead of kettle, Yaint City, MI (1955)

Hugh ‘The Hugonaut” Huguenot (penned classic hit “It Ain’t What You Know, It’s Huguenot”)
– Committed suicide after being convicted of hit-and-run mow-down of a woman who was subsequently proven never to have been born, Scuntown, Nova Scotia (1957)

Bopper Slitz
– First female rocker to die. Drowned in mirage, Gobi Desert (1958)

Melvis Beasley
– Leapt from a twenty-fourth storey penthouse in flames after eating 98 mini scotch eggs at girlfriend’s birthday party, Coonhunt, AL (1958)

Gandice Philip-Ferlopp
– Second female rocker to die. Mistook red hot tongs for lipstick starting a fire in her mouth which spread to her nasal cavities and after two days had completely gutted out her entire skull. Doctors had no choice but to switch her off, Mozambique (1960)

“Bantam” Jimmy Sulphur (lead singer of The Gaynotes)
– Flushed down toilet by group of drunken sailors, Bitchley, UK (1961)

Horse Peter
– Downed 5 bottles of whiskey in the space of two hours then attempted to fly his helicopter at low altitude through a mountainside electrical pylon system whilst blindfolded and being administered with unpredictable electric shocks at varying voltages. Crashed. Alaska (1961)

Ludek “VJ” Amritaj, Bodo “BJ” Amritaj, Larry Sawspan Jnr., The Joy, Clayton Billamy, Herman “CJ” McPerrin (all members of Boys’ Bicycle Bells)
– Killed when their small boat was hit by a god-bolt fishing for compliments off the boast of Sechsattaka (1962)

Pray for them all, not just one of them. To leave a lit commemorative sandal for anyone at all, visit here.


Blogger Birdman said...

Not forgetting Brian (Bobo the Hobo) Willy the much older brother of Box Car who choked on a Swizzell after trying to take the fowl taste out of his mouth after finishing fifth at the annual Live Turkey-Swallowing Champeenships at Podonkey, Illinois on Septuagesima Gay Pride Day.

8:17 pm  

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