Festice. Festice. Festice.
Yesterday marked the 20th anniversary of the appointment of Mr. Anthony Slambulance as chairman of Festice Rotary Club, a position he continues to hold today. To celebrate the occasion an invitation dinner was held at Festice Bridge Club, where Mr. Slambulance was presented with an 18th Century gilt-relief rosebowl by District Secretary, Sir Peter Flesh. Bridge club owner Gavin Mandy then sealed the occasion by producing a complimentary jeroboam of champagne, with which the honourable career of the selfless public servant was duly toasted. A sad footnote to the festivities came some hours later, however, when it was revealed that Sir Peter Flesh had been killed instantly on his way home. A memorial invitation dinner in honour of Sir Peter will be held at the Bridge Club tonight.*
*The above report was written this morning. This afternoon we heard the sad news that Anthony Slambulance has died of a massive blockbuster heart-attack suffered at 14:26 GMT. His family stated that it was a coronary supernova from which he could never have recovered. In view of this tragedy, the dinner planned for this evening has been postponed and a dinner held jointly in memory of Mr. Slambulance and Sir Peter Flesh will take place tomorrow evening instead.