Friar Cous Cous

Trussed-up in a wartime bandage-suit...

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

My Famous Relatives

I have been researching my family history recently, and uncovered a wealth of information about relatives I never knew I had. I was able to tap into information about branches of my family from all corners of the Earth, which had been overlooked in the past due to the corruption of the name 'Cous Cous' down the ages. You may find it interesting to note the variations on the family name below. But perhaps more interesting are the exploits of the family members who, for one reason or another, gained fame, or infamy, in their time:
William O’Cusscuss: Died at The Battle of Simple Minds in 1587, fighting as an Irish mercenary for the rogue Scots captain Willie Bumtits.

Gargamesch Gilgamarr Coosecust: Wrote the authorised biography of Sir Martin Flames, Flames Rising Higher, and its sequel, Old Flames.

Yada Diminutibone Kerschkassk: Arrested and imprisoned by Spanish authorities in 1940 on suspicion of the attempted assassination of John Noakes.

Chief Bosun Hube Bangalah de Goosecast: Beaten to death by a band of drunken sailors whilst making sail templates for a galleon at Tilbury. Had he sailed on the ship when the work was completed, he would have died, as the vessel struck rocks and sank off the coast of Holger-Czukay. So in a way, the fatal maritime beating he received was a mixed blessing.

Jackie ‘The Movie Business’ Cous-Cous: Died in hospital three days after having a red hot game of poker shoved up his backside by the cast and crew of High Stakes 3: To Bite the Hand That Deals You (1987).

Senior Choixman Goderick Phlegmchise de la Custardmas: Stood trial for the killing of his estranged boss-in-law but acquitted on a legal technicality – immunity from prosecution was established as my uncle was a member of the Most Lowly Holy Phalanx of the True Choix de Dieu, which was subsequently blown up with sticks of bombs whilst trying to execute a difficult three-point turn in a fire-racked Alpine road tunnel. Goderick thus outlived the Phalanx but was never re-tried.


Blogger jimbo said...

What a coincidence! I have reason to believe that Bumtits was a distant relative of my own.

10:30 am  

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