Friar Cous Cous

Trussed-up in a wartime bandage-suit...

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

JOBS!!!JOBS!!!JOBS!!! Junior Copywriter (Trainee) - The London Museum of Antiquities SW3 £££Competitive£££

The London Museum of Antiquities has been at the forefront of past-artefact presentation since its foundation in 1907. Such was the museum’s reputation that during the Second World War its management committee was given overall responsibility for the safe evacuation of threatened historical pieces from central London galleries and storage houses. It is a reputation we are proud to uphold today.

Of course, modern oldness-showcasing falls very much inside the boundaries of advanced binary business logic, spearheaded by a variety of corporate marketing thrusts and the recent completion of a multi-million pound branding rape.

As part of its ongoing market siege, the Museum is currently looking for a living, breathing paradox to plug into its seamless infrastructure. To succeed as a junior trainee, you must be a lover of history with a deadly serious educational qualification to prove this, as well as an ambitious corporate professional with at least 29 years experience writing top level copy for at least 15 heavyweight players in the world of international museumry. Possessed of the nous to say when something is not working, and the tact to remain silent when something is wrong, you will be a mature child-like ex-spy with the ability to eat fire and showing a portfolio of dangerous stunts performed on foreign soil, at least five of which must have made it into the Guinness Book of Records. An exemplary military record in any pre-1945 conflict is a definite plus, as well as proof of having survived a terrorist attack by any established para-military organisation in South East Asia.

The successful applicant will be required to work some unsociable hours, making their work for the Museum the essential spine of their very existence from which the limp, withering limbs of their relationships and private interests will hang. In return you can expect a very competitive* package**, staring at £11,000 per annum for a probationary period of 5 years, rising to £11,500 per annum subject to management approval. A free season ticket loan is available to bankrupt you should you initially have problems meeting the £15+ per day travel expenses associated with getting to and from the most urbanised and populated few square miles of Great Britain every day.

Competition for this vacancy is expected to be very strong, so even if you fulfil all of the above criteria in abundance, please do not be disappointed if we immediately bin your application without thought of reply.

The London Museum of Antiquities is an equal opportunities employer.

THE LONDON MUSEUM OF ANTIQUITIES – “MAKING YOU WISH YOU LIVED IN THE PAST”
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*Competitive with unskilled manual labour rates in the developing world in the period 1967-1975. Based on figures published by the Tenth Annual Convention of the International Crusade Against Poverty, 2005.
**A disparate group of objects, entities or ideas subjected to artificial group containment in the calculation that their combined effect will outweigh their individual merits, or the merits of allowing them to be transmitted individually.

1 Comments:

Blogger Friar Cous Cous said...

And here's a real one, from the Guardian online jobs section. Judging by this advert, Oxfam really do need a copywriter or two. And after all, why do all job adverts have to sound like you're applying to work for Ruthless, Ruthless and Bastard Stockbrokers, Wall Street, New York. This is OXFAM for fuck's sake!


Copywriter, Direct Marketing
Link to newspaper job ad
Organisation: Oxfam

Location: Oxfordshire
Salary: £22,810 - £29,170
Date posted: 26 Jun 05
Closing date: 15 Jul 05



Job description
Be creative on a global scale

£22,810 - £29,170 6 month contract

You eat, sleep, and dream ideas. Your copy is concise but speaks volumes. Every word on your page is carefully chosen and has earned its place. You know what turns people on, what makes them tick - whatever their background. You know how to listen, and love working in a team. You can show us some mould-breaking DM work that produced amazing results.

You're just who we're looking for. If you're passionate about changing the world, and have proven copywriting and project management experience, we want to hear from you.
Ref: MKT309

In helping to build a better world, we want to attract people who are able to challenge "conventional" thought and offer unique points of view. We seek to gain the benefit of a diverse workforce and value their skills and experiences.

The post is based in Oxford.

Oxfam works with others to find lasting solutions to poverty and suffering.

- POSITIVE ABOUT DISABLED PEOPLE

WANKERS.

10:57 am  

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